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Sunday, March 13, 2005
I haven't been here in awhile. That's obvious, right? I don't know why, I have been on this computer every day since I last posted, but I just didn't have anything to say. I have been surfing the blogger site. Sometimes I surf over to Blogclicker.com, or to Blogexplosion.com, and look at those. Like I said awhile back, there are too many political blogs on all the sites. I guess I shouldn't say that, 'cause we do still have freedom of speech, don't we? I don't want anyone telling me what to say, and what not to say, so why should I care what other people say on their blog? Last friday, my two nieces, Michelle and Charlene, my daughter Cherokee and I went grocery shopping. I swear, things that I used to take for granted, are like "pulling hen's teeth" for me now. By the time we got back to our apartment, and had taken out our groceries, I felt as if I had played a game of professional football, or maybe some hard and fast soccer! Whichever is the most physical. I couldn't even stand up straight, and this is embarrassing to me, to look like one of those old Babushkas, who has the big hump on their backs from all the years of working in the fields. It hurt to walk, it hurt to sit down, it hurt to lay down, it just hurt everywhere.
I don't usually tell about what kind of pain I have, because I have been praying for healing. Yes, I believe that JESUS still heals! I am just vasilating between believing that HE wants to heal me, and knowing that I don't deserve it as much as someone else might. I read this blog and the person that writes it has a disease that is attacking his spine. It made me cry to think that there is really nothing that his doctors can do for him, except try to keep him comfortable, and they are doing a bad job of that. He is in constant pain. I know how he feels. I think on a scale of 1 to 10, my pain gets to be about an 8. Some days I am taking 4 to 6 extra strength pain relievers, (500 miligrams each) every two hours, and I just end up groggy in pain.
I don't exactly understand neuropathy, or nerve damage, but I thought that if your nerves were damaged, you wouldn't feel anything. Like other people I have heard of with diabetes, who don't feel anything and end up having to have limbs amputated because of gangreen? All over my body every nerve ending seems hyper sensitive. I cannot wear shoes, because they hurt my feet, I wear old worn sandals that have molded to my foot, and still they are uncomfortable.
When I go without shoes, indoors, (which the doctor has advised me not to do), I feel every nap on the carpet, and the slightest dust mote feel like a huge pebble! When I lay down on my bed, it feels as if the sheet under my back is heated. I start sweating and get pain pricks all over my back as if I am laying on needles.
Oh well, talking about it hasn't helped, I thought I might get a bit of release just watching myself type out the words. How silly is that? I think I am going to just try to forget all about it. Oh, I mean, I will continue to take the pain relievers, and my insulin. It is just that I am going to behave like a zombie about everything else, just do whatever has to be done, and ignore the consequences. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it, going on and on like this, but then my son will send me some pictures of the family (us all together enjoying themselves, like we did at Garth's going away party a week or so ago). All the beautiful smiles of my kids, and of my grandchildren!! Even though the kids knew that their daddy would be gone from them for four months, in training for his new job, and the whole family was going to miss him so much. My brave daughter, even though he wasn't going to Iraq, or anything like that, it will be a challange for her, by herself with five kids! Plus, she baby-sits his two little nieces during the week.
I admire her so much. She is so strong! It was always his dream, and she is so supportive of him. I just think that to be a guard in any type of prison is so scary! I would have "pitched a natural fit", if I were her. Yet, she takes all of this in stride.
When my husband drove a tour bus for awhile, I remember being so afraid that something would happen, and he would be hurt, or have a wreck and not make it back home to us. I just let another personality take over, and all the while the real me would be balled up in a corner of my mind snivelling, and totally unfit, while that stronger personality would still go to work, and do whatever had to be done, laugh and smile at the appropriate times, and seem so "devil may care", to the outside world. Maybe that is how she is also? I never asked her, and she has never said.
Well, here it is midnight, the "bewitching hour". I think I will go to bed and watch TV until these Equate PMs put me to sleep. So I bid you all, "Adeiu". Vaya con Dios. Y'all.
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~
I haven't been here in awhile. That's obvious, right? I don't know why, I have been on this computer every day since I last posted, but I just didn't have anything to say. I have been surfing the blogger site. Sometimes I surf over to Blogclicker.com, or to Blogexplosion.com, and look at those. Like I said awhile back, there are too many political blogs on all the sites. I guess I shouldn't say that, 'cause we do still have freedom of speech, don't we? I don't want anyone telling me what to say, and what not to say, so why should I care what other people say on their blog? Last friday, my two nieces, Michelle and Charlene, my daughter Cherokee and I went grocery shopping. I swear, things that I used to take for granted, are like "pulling hen's teeth" for me now. By the time we got back to our apartment, and had taken out our groceries, I felt as if I had played a game of professional football, or maybe some hard and fast soccer! Whichever is the most physical. I couldn't even stand up straight, and this is embarrassing to me, to look like one of those old Babushkas, who has the big hump on their backs from all the years of working in the fields. It hurt to walk, it hurt to sit down, it hurt to lay down, it just hurt everywhere.
I don't usually tell about what kind of pain I have, because I have been praying for healing. Yes, I believe that JESUS still heals! I am just vasilating between believing that HE wants to heal me, and knowing that I don't deserve it as much as someone else might. I read this blog and the person that writes it has a disease that is attacking his spine. It made me cry to think that there is really nothing that his doctors can do for him, except try to keep him comfortable, and they are doing a bad job of that. He is in constant pain. I know how he feels. I think on a scale of 1 to 10, my pain gets to be about an 8. Some days I am taking 4 to 6 extra strength pain relievers, (500 miligrams each) every two hours, and I just end up groggy in pain.
I don't exactly understand neuropathy, or nerve damage, but I thought that if your nerves were damaged, you wouldn't feel anything. Like other people I have heard of with diabetes, who don't feel anything and end up having to have limbs amputated because of gangreen? All over my body every nerve ending seems hyper sensitive. I cannot wear shoes, because they hurt my feet, I wear old worn sandals that have molded to my foot, and still they are uncomfortable.
When I go without shoes, indoors, (which the doctor has advised me not to do), I feel every nap on the carpet, and the slightest dust mote feel like a huge pebble! When I lay down on my bed, it feels as if the sheet under my back is heated. I start sweating and get pain pricks all over my back as if I am laying on needles.
Oh well, talking about it hasn't helped, I thought I might get a bit of release just watching myself type out the words. How silly is that? I think I am going to just try to forget all about it. Oh, I mean, I will continue to take the pain relievers, and my insulin. It is just that I am going to behave like a zombie about everything else, just do whatever has to be done, and ignore the consequences. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it, going on and on like this, but then my son will send me some pictures of the family (us all together enjoying themselves, like we did at Garth's going away party a week or so ago). All the beautiful smiles of my kids, and of my grandchildren!! Even though the kids knew that their daddy would be gone from them for four months, in training for his new job, and the whole family was going to miss him so much. My brave daughter, even though he wasn't going to Iraq, or anything like that, it will be a challange for her, by herself with five kids! Plus, she baby-sits his two little nieces during the week.
I admire her so much. She is so strong! It was always his dream, and she is so supportive of him. I just think that to be a guard in any type of prison is so scary! I would have "pitched a natural fit", if I were her. Yet, she takes all of this in stride.
When my husband drove a tour bus for awhile, I remember being so afraid that something would happen, and he would be hurt, or have a wreck and not make it back home to us. I just let another personality take over, and all the while the real me would be balled up in a corner of my mind snivelling, and totally unfit, while that stronger personality would still go to work, and do whatever had to be done, laugh and smile at the appropriate times, and seem so "devil may care", to the outside world. Maybe that is how she is also? I never asked her, and she has never said.
Well, here it is midnight, the "bewitching hour". I think I will go to bed and watch TV until these Equate PMs put me to sleep. So I bid you all, "Adeiu". Vaya con Dios. Y'all.
2 Comments:
hey there! it's a surprise somehow to think how far this thing can get.. I think I never thought that someone would actually read what I write.. ^_^
About the politics that you talk about.. I agree, I also think this is a place for free expression, but I have found lots of blogs used for publicity, and I hate it because I don't thing that's the main idea of this.. still, that's also "freedom of speach"..
By 
Shadow Walker, at
8:33 PM
uhm... well, I don't really know why I thought about Canada. I just like the idea of living in a country very similar to the US, but with the difference of the rythm of life.. it's calmer (does that word exist?)..
but, that's more less the idea.. ^_^
By Shadow Walker, at
10:16 AM
