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Thursday, January 20, 2005
You know what? I get a small jump in my stomach when I think that this is 2005!!! You know? I was born in 1947, and to some, I know that sounds like yesterday. To others, that sounds like so long ago. Even though, in my own mind, 57, well nearly 58 years old, seems old also, and it doesn't seem like it's me. My father, and my mother both died before they were 50! I used to think that I would die young also. (Oh, and I did)!!! I would look into the mirror, when I was younger, (still it was after my Momma had died, and I had all three of my kids too), and I wouldn't see my face. I would see hers. I thought that meant that I would die soon, and in some ways, I was okay with it. Then, I'd look at my little babies, and I'd think, no one will love them like I do. I didn't trust their daddy to marry a woman who would treat them right, either! So, I stopped thinking about dying, even though besides having those three totally gorgeous kids, my married life was crap. With a capital C!! Anyway, back to the past. I was born two weeks after my daddy's birthday, and two weeks before my momma's birthday, and I was their first child, (her fourth, but his first). I thought that had some significance back then. I guess it didn't? My dad, (Gil Goodwin), was so great!, at least I thought so. I don't remember much of what he thought about world events. Being a Negro man, born in the early 1900s, he had probably seen alot of stuff that I wouldn't have been able to understand. Plus his father had been a minister, so that right there was a whole different story! He was a good daddy, in any case, and we had lots of fun with him, before he died at 41 years old, of pneumonia. My momma (Lugenia Strickland Goodwin), changed alot after he died, but she was still good to us kids. My momma was so pretty, very fair skin, with good features, and naturally dark red lips, without lipstick, and so much fun. Her family, on Big Daddy's side (the Stricklands), were nearly white, some of our relatives on that side just looked white to us, but they were something like mulattos. She taught us how to play jacks, and cards, and how to cook, she was good at everything, and she could sing beautifully, and whistle like a bird. She always had a man, (or a few men to tell the truth), that was "in love" with her, and she had been married once before she married my daddy. They had seven kids together, and they seemed to love each other alot. When he died, she lived 12 years more, for us, I think, but she was never alone, without a boyfriend. Yet, she was much more withdrawn by then, and she worried alot, about finances, after that. Yet, still nice, and loved us all, in her own way.
Both my momma's, and my daddy's families were big on church attendance. They had stopped going by the time they had us though, lots of stuff went on in both of their lives, that led them to stop going to church, but, we children were made to go to church when we were younger, on our own. I think that that was to keep our Grandmother, Harriette Adair (Granny), on our mother's side, and our Grandfather, (Pappa Goodwin), on our daddy's side, happy. Our Granny had been divorced from our real Grandfather, (Big Daddy, Clyde Strickland), he wasn't a church goer, but out step-Grandfather was. Our step-Grandfather was a nice man, but our momma made us call him MR. Adair, and not Grandpa, for a long time. Our Pappa had been married four times, and all his wives died before him, so we didn't know any of my daddy's step-mothers, or his real mother either. We just knew that my daddy's Grandfather (on his mother's side), had been a full blooded California born, Indian, (they called him a "Mission Indian"), named Boswell. I still don't know what that means, maybe that he was raised on a mission? None of his kids went to church, 'til they were older, and chose to do so on their own, and I heard that my daddy's real mother, (Lizzie), was mean, and evil tempered! Pappa told me, "she was a good woman, but she slept with a hammer under her pillow, every night". (My daddy never talked about his mother). Yet, my Pappa stood up to her, and his kids, all of them, by the other women, and by her, went to church. I liked Sunday School, and Vacation Bible School, this was at the church that both sides of the family went to, and everybody knew us. Granny played the organ, and our step-Grandpa, Mr. Adair, was a deacon, our Pappa, (Goodwin), sat on the church board, and had a chair, behind the regular Pastor's pulpit, so we were always good in church. I started reading the Bible, on my own, by the time I was about 10 years old, (just because I loved to read). While I was reading, I saw a definite change in GOD, from the Old Testament, to the New Testament, but when I mentioned it to anyone, they said, "you're too young to understand the Bible"..., and, "GOD is the same, yesterday, today, and forever"......., that was the bottom line, HE didn't change, I just didn't understand the words. So, I just kinda put HIM, and the Bible, on the shelf, until later, I thought that I would understand it more, and understand it better, when I was older. I didn't.
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~
You know what? I get a small jump in my stomach when I think that this is 2005!!! You know? I was born in 1947, and to some, I know that sounds like yesterday. To others, that sounds like so long ago. Even though, in my own mind, 57, well nearly 58 years old, seems old also, and it doesn't seem like it's me. My father, and my mother both died before they were 50! I used to think that I would die young also. (Oh, and I did)!!! I would look into the mirror, when I was younger, (still it was after my Momma had died, and I had all three of my kids too), and I wouldn't see my face. I would see hers. I thought that meant that I would die soon, and in some ways, I was okay with it. Then, I'd look at my little babies, and I'd think, no one will love them like I do. I didn't trust their daddy to marry a woman who would treat them right, either! So, I stopped thinking about dying, even though besides having those three totally gorgeous kids, my married life was crap. With a capital C!! Anyway, back to the past. I was born two weeks after my daddy's birthday, and two weeks before my momma's birthday, and I was their first child, (her fourth, but his first). I thought that had some significance back then. I guess it didn't? My dad, (Gil Goodwin), was so great!, at least I thought so. I don't remember much of what he thought about world events. Being a Negro man, born in the early 1900s, he had probably seen alot of stuff that I wouldn't have been able to understand. Plus his father had been a minister, so that right there was a whole different story! He was a good daddy, in any case, and we had lots of fun with him, before he died at 41 years old, of pneumonia. My momma (Lugenia Strickland Goodwin), changed alot after he died, but she was still good to us kids. My momma was so pretty, very fair skin, with good features, and naturally dark red lips, without lipstick, and so much fun. Her family, on Big Daddy's side (the Stricklands), were nearly white, some of our relatives on that side just looked white to us, but they were something like mulattos. She taught us how to play jacks, and cards, and how to cook, she was good at everything, and she could sing beautifully, and whistle like a bird. She always had a man, (or a few men to tell the truth), that was "in love" with her, and she had been married once before she married my daddy. They had seven kids together, and they seemed to love each other alot. When he died, she lived 12 years more, for us, I think, but she was never alone, without a boyfriend. Yet, she was much more withdrawn by then, and she worried alot, about finances, after that. Yet, still nice, and loved us all, in her own way.
Both my momma's, and my daddy's families were big on church attendance. They had stopped going by the time they had us though, lots of stuff went on in both of their lives, that led them to stop going to church, but, we children were made to go to church when we were younger, on our own. I think that that was to keep our Grandmother, Harriette Adair (Granny), on our mother's side, and our Grandfather, (Pappa Goodwin), on our daddy's side, happy. Our Granny had been divorced from our real Grandfather, (Big Daddy, Clyde Strickland), he wasn't a church goer, but out step-Grandfather was. Our step-Grandfather was a nice man, but our momma made us call him MR. Adair, and not Grandpa, for a long time. Our Pappa had been married four times, and all his wives died before him, so we didn't know any of my daddy's step-mothers, or his real mother either. We just knew that my daddy's Grandfather (on his mother's side), had been a full blooded California born, Indian, (they called him a "Mission Indian"), named Boswell. I still don't know what that means, maybe that he was raised on a mission? None of his kids went to church, 'til they were older, and chose to do so on their own, and I heard that my daddy's real mother, (Lizzie), was mean, and evil tempered! Pappa told me, "she was a good woman, but she slept with a hammer under her pillow, every night". (My daddy never talked about his mother). Yet, my Pappa stood up to her, and his kids, all of them, by the other women, and by her, went to church. I liked Sunday School, and Vacation Bible School, this was at the church that both sides of the family went to, and everybody knew us. Granny played the organ, and our step-Grandpa, Mr. Adair, was a deacon, our Pappa, (Goodwin), sat on the church board, and had a chair, behind the regular Pastor's pulpit, so we were always good in church. I started reading the Bible, on my own, by the time I was about 10 years old, (just because I loved to read). While I was reading, I saw a definite change in GOD, from the Old Testament, to the New Testament, but when I mentioned it to anyone, they said, "you're too young to understand the Bible"..., and, "GOD is the same, yesterday, today, and forever"......., that was the bottom line, HE didn't change, I just didn't understand the words. So, I just kinda put HIM, and the Bible, on the shelf, until later, I thought that I would understand it more, and understand it better, when I was older. I didn't.
