< Monday, January 31, 2005

Can I get an amen?

Thank you!

THANK-YOU




Dear GOD:
I want to thank You for what you have already done.




I am not going to wait until I see results or receive rewards, I am thanking you right now

I am not going to wait until I feel better or things look better, I am thanking you right now



I am not going to wait until people say they are sorry or until they stop talking about me, I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until the pain in my body disappears, I am thanking you right now.

I am not going to wait until my financial situation improves, I am going to thank you right now.



I am not going to wait until the children are asleep and the house is quiet, I am going to thank you right now.

I am not going to wait until I get promoted at work or until I get the job, I am going to thank you right now.



I am not going to wait until I understand every experience in my life that has caused me pain or grief, I am going to thank you right now.



I am not going to wait until the journey gets easier or the challenges are removed. I am thanking you right now.



I am thanking you because I am alive.

I am thanking you because I made it through the day's difficulties.

I am thanking you because I have walked around the obstacles.
I am thanking you because I have the ability and the opportunity to do more
and do better.

I'm thanking you because FATHER, you haven't given up on me.

God is just so good, and he's good all the time. Send this message to 8
friends, (not to the friend who sent it to you), and continue to THANK GOD.

~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 6:20 PM (0) comments

< Saturday, January 29, 2005

I didn't go on the computer at all yesterday. My daughter, LaShane and her kids came over and picked Cherokee and me up to come up the hill (as we call it), to spend a couple of days with the family. It's always fun for me to visit the grandkids, and my daughter and her husband, 'cause they are such great people! Still, I sleep better in my own bed, you know? It isn't really imperative that I get so much sleep, 'cause I don't have get up and go to work or anything, but, I just get really tired, and by the time I get back to the apartment, (down the hill), I feel like I had been doing slave labor at their house, or something! I usually sleep (after taking some over the counter help, like Tylenol P.M.), the rest of the day, that we get home, and all the next! I HATE BEING OVER FIFTY!!!!! I remember when I was in my early twenties, I could party for days at a time, and not need any sleep at all.
It was just so much fun. How things have changed from the late 1960s til 2005! My two best friends, Carol and Sharon, are both deceased now!!! I feel as if nothing is right anymore. In our late teens, and early twenties, I couldn't imagine going a day without seeing them. We were like the three musketeers. Then one by one, we got married, and lost touch, we still talked, and called each other on the telephone, but, Sharon moved to Compton, CA. Carol moved to Oakland, CA. I stayed in Riverside, CA. We became different people. I didn't understand why they would go to those "horrible" cities! I wouldn't even visit either of them. Of course, they still had family here, so they visited often. Now, that they are gone, and cannot visit at all, I miss the times we used to be inseparable! I am sitting here listening to the family interacting around me, and I am wondering, what will it be like when I am gone, and my daughters are in their fifties?
I just hope that they keep in touch with their friends and not neglect any of their friendships. My two daughters are closer in age than I was to my sisters, and they are better friends than I was with my sisters, Anna is four years older than me, and Billiejean is six years older, so I just didn't connect that well with either of them growing up. They always tried to tell me what to do like they were my mother, and by the time I got 14, they were grown up, and, by then I sure didn't want them in my social life. I didn't hang around their groups, and didn't want to. I didn't know Billiejean's friends well at all, and I thought that Anna's group of friends were totally childish acting, and simple minded. To tell the truth, we never were friends in any type of social situations, until we were all over twenty one, but, still, I didn't think my sisters were "my kind of people". Now, it hasn't changed much, but, I love both of them, and they are pretty cool women in their 60s! I still see them as I always did, with the eyes of a younger sister though, so, I don't confide in them, and I don't expect them to confide in me. Strange, huh? I have six brothers (still living), also. I don't confide in any of them, or their wives, either, but I think they are all great couples, in their own right. We just don't have anything in common, any more to draw us together, I did hang around with a couple of my brothers when we were younger, at that time we liked to do the same things, party, and get high, where my sisters didn't. Oh, they partied, but they didn't get high, so I thought they were "LAME". It took me a long time to get over doing that stuff, (MJ), but I did it, and I am glad that I have been free of that weed since I was 43 years old. I started smoking it when my dad died, and, I thought I couldn't live without it for the next thirty, I was a wreck. So were a couple of the guys too, I did have seven brothers, but our eldest brother Robbie, was killed in VietNam, (in 1966), he was like our dad, ~after our dad died in 1959~, we all just idolized Robbie, and he is in a way, still a legend in our family. Then our mother died of cancer, in 1971, so I think we all had a lot of issues for many years, and I, for one, thought that marijuana helped me "cope".
I don't know what our family dynamic would have been like if Robbie had lived, and come back from VietNam, but since he didn't, we don't talk about what ifs. Deep down though, I think we would have been totally different, and less needy. It just wasn't meant to be, I guess. The family is totally nine separate units as of now. Each doing our own thing. We get together every once in awhile, and that is enough. When our children were younger, we all got together almost every month, celebrating birthdays, then as the kids aged, we stopped with so many parties, and just tried to get together at least once or twice a year, or whenever one of our kids got married, or even for funerals. If it was at all possible, we kept in touch just for love's sake. I know other families though, that don't ever bother seeing their relatives, or keeping in touch, and don't miss them either. I think that is a sad thing, and I don't understand people like that. I still have to keep up with what is going on with everyone, even if it is just by e-mail!!!
It is only early evening, and yet, I am getting so tired! Usually I stay on this site for hours, but now, I cannot do it. I'll close for now, and come back tomorrow, or maybe the day after, When I am rested up and have a legitimate subject to talk about. ~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 4:44 PM (0) comments

< Wednesday, January 26, 2005

I am sitting here at my computer, and have been for the past few hours. I go to IMDb, that's: www.IMDb.com and I look up celebrities that I am interested in, seeing what other movies they have played in, besides the ones that are out, with them acting it in 2005. I sometimes get sad, because I read some of their bios, and I see how much life has changed for them, (since they were first written about), to what they are doing now. We all degenerate though, that is the nature of the beast, (humans). We are born to die. Like, even Mr. Jack LaLane, the epitome of a healthy human being, won't live forever. (in fact, is he still alive)? I saw a very youthful photo of him, on this site, ( www.armywalloffame.com/ photogallery/photogall...), and I thought, "man, when I first saw him , he was old already"!! then again none of the people who were alive in say, 1800, (healthy or not), are here now!! Things die, people die. Well, being a believer, I guess I must clarify, there are a couple of people in the Bible that it is said did not "see death". If you want to know who they are, go to www.Biblegateway.com and look them up. I'll give you a hint, one is in the first book of the Bible, which starts with the letter G., (hey, some people don't know the names of the books of the Bible)! I, personally look forward to, "the big sleep", the "dirt nap", and NO, I don't think that I will stick around in a "ghostly form" to haunt the living! I'll be at rest, and waiting, for JESUS to come and call the believers, up into the air, to be with HIM. (Again, from the scriptures). It's no "FairyTale", people. That is why so much of the world today makes me so sad. People either want to live forever, or they think, "live hard, die young and make a pretty corpse" is a cool quote, something to "live by"?. We are so very hedonistically charged, and self seeking, and looking for the easy life! Forget about the other guy. Let him take care of himself, regardless of his state, of emotional or physical health.
I know, I'm no better than the next average minded person, I prick my finger, and it is the worst event that ever happened on the face of this earth! COMFORT ME, COMFORT ME, I HURT!! When the person right next to me, may have lost his leg, or arm, or gone blind, deaf or headless even!! I want my needs met. I want the good and comfortable life. I don't want to hear of anybody else's suffering, or of anyone else being abused or misused! Turn off that damn news program!! Who are they to me? What are they to me? I had jobs, I raised my kids, I give at church every week, ain't that enough? I did my duty! Did someone tell me to take care of my brother/sister? Did someone designate me, "my brother's/sister's keeper", huh? Who, when? How come it is the very people who, wear the crosses, profess the SON as their SAVIOR, sing the loudest "we shall gather at the river", turn their noses up the highest at those, who are different, those who are ignorant, those who smell, and, "OH MY GOD", (don't you use my LORD'S NAME in vain)! those who smoke, or those who drink, are usually the very ones who turn their backs on those, who needs help to understand the nature of GOD!? Is HE really like you, prejudiced, a gossiper, "holier than thou" separatist? COME ON!!!
I heard the saying "too heavenly minded to be any earthly good", they're just giving GOD a bad reputation, and JESUS wouldn't have had a chance with that crowd! Amen? Don't ever show a chink, (in the armor), I mean. You'd better, hide your own pain, "keep a stiff upper lip", don't admit that you are human, and might have a few questions. "Don't you dare question GOD, damn it!! You just take the bitter, with the sweet"!! I read the scripture that said, "he who endures until the end, will be saved". Doesn't the term "endures", mean that there is something obviously hard, and possibly painful, to stand up against? Wow! I started out talking about health. Is it true, that if you aren't healthy, or, when you don't "get healed", when even christians "lay hands" on you, it is because you deserve to be sick? GOD is allowing you to be sick, to "teach you a lesson"? OH NO!!! I won't let that get by, scripture says, "the thief, (satan) comes not, except to kill, steal, and destroy. I (JESUS), have come, that you might have life, and that life more abundant". The fault, people, doesn't lie with the AUTHOR of LIFE. (GOD). It is our own fault, humanities fault. Wicked, or just plain ignorant, not listening, humanity. We got the instructions, on how to live, on how to prosper, and be in health. We would rather be "on our own", and just keep searching for ways, around HIS WAYS. Like, "better health through medication". "Okay, I'll take famous phrases for $1,000.00. The answer is: "Let's try this, let's try that, just to see what it does"! Buzz, Pam? "what are things that your doctor always says to you, Alex?". Right!! That ain't working, people. We keep looking ahead, even to the drastic point of "freezing our bodies", (if you have the money, that is), so that we can then be unfrozen, and healed!!!, when the "cure for everything" is descovered. (hallelujah)!!! Whoa, couldn't all that cheddar, (oops), money, have been used to feed lots of people, buy lots of clothes, for the hungry and naked, what? Oh yeah, I know, they made the money, they should have the right to do with it as they want, but, what happened to the old addage, "you can't take it with you"? I guess now, you can!!! Those frozen people's eyes are cold, and closed, they can't see any more suffering, or tears, or hear any more cries of pain, and suffering. We can though, we can look right at it, all. Yet, I think the way we should be looking, brothers and sisters, is into our own hearts.

~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 3:22 AM (0) comments

< Saturday, January 22, 2005

I surf. I surf this site. I surf this blogger site. I find it amusing, and I have learned many new things. I may or may not remember the things I have learned on this site, but while I am learning them, I am amused. I clicked on www.blogcrowd.com and I added my own blog to the rest of the blogs that are on that site, it claims to get more viewers to your blog site, and allows you to view other people's blogs, easier. So, I decided to look into it, I joined, and then I logged in, (with a new, and different password, that I may, or may not remember later), anyway, I proceeded to surf that site. One difference though, on that site, you can read other people's blogs and then vote on whether or not you liked them! Interesting.
I don't take very many minutes while looking over each blog, there is no "time limit" on that, (btw.), but, the way I usually read things, (thoroughly), I would spend too many hours reading the blogs, and not have time to do the other things, that I have come to find enjoyable, on the net. (Like playing games at www.neopets.com) . Lately, I have spent less and less time on neopets, because of this new obsession for blogspot! All of these related activities to do, are drawing me to them, I cannot resist.
People are infinitely more interesting than "Destructo Match II", or "Spell or Starve". Once you become a "millionaire", (in Neopoints, people, it's only a game), what is there left to accomplish, anyway? Yet, don't get me wrong, those games have really helped to keep the old "grey matter", lubricated. That is a plus, for me, (during the twilight years of my life, when alzheimers is a definite possibility). I already have a "forgetful gene", in my genetic make-up. Been there for years! Had it even in my youth. It caused alot of misundestandings back then, 'cause with my near photographic memory, if I did truly forgot even a small detail, or event, well, you can imagine the doubt that arose in my crowd of friends, and/or family, for that matter, due to my excellent memory, they would think I was "faking", the loss of memory. I tried to hide that deficiency, and now I am paying the price. Pride, what an insidious character flaw it can prove to be! I should never have "shown off", in any case.
Onward, or back, to the duscussion at hand. I have enjoyed most of the blogs I have been fortunate enough to discover on this site. When I do come across a blog, that is repulsive to me, either too vulgar, or pornographic, in content, (and yes, those are here, and they are a horrific bane to the overall family oriented appeal of this blogger site), those who decide to post their prurient fetishes, and interests on this site, do the rest of us a great dis-service, since the blogs are open to view, by anyone that so chooses to view them. Clean up your blogs people!!!! Just because this is a free forum, do not abuse it!!! You SHOULD HAVE to PAY to put some of that filth on the internet!! Don't you all agree? I mean, YOU ALL that don't do it!! (smile). Gosh, I cannot believe that I have finished my usual internet business, and it is still only 8:18 pm, by my clock! I guess I will go and play a couple or three, games on Neopets! Tra, and have a pleasant goodnight. Pam

~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 7:35 PM (0) comments

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Hey, not that I mind, but does this just go on FOREVER? LOL. Pam/P.M./Mom, (I ad-libbed a little, this time).
Hello Friend, and you know who you are by now!I HOPE YOU SEND THIS BACK, because? Well, this IS one of the cutest and nicest emails around, and for some odd reason, nobody is brave enough to stop sending it, even after four or five times! ..Happy Friends Week?!! Happy National Friendship Week. Wait, how many weeks is that? Two, or more? I lost count!!, but, anyway, many people will walk in and out of your life, but only TRUE friends will put up with you sending them this e-mail over and over AGAIN, and on top of that, STILL manage to leave footprints in your heart. Now, time to insert a bit of wise advice: To handle yourself, use your head; To handle others, use your heart!!! (Okay, feeling guilty now)? (Smile). Anger is only one letter short of danger. (and, you're too far away right now to shoot me, so just go on and laugh). Then delete this, and please, don't send it back to me, I might get violent, next time).
Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people, so don't say anything mean behind MY back. He, who loses money, loses much; He, who loses a friend, loses much more; yeah, me AND my money. If I had any, that is. He, who loses faith, loses all. So, "keep the FAITH, baby". Was that Kojak who said that? No, dummy, it was Adam Clayton Powell, that's right. Learn from the mistakes of others. Yeah, but who wants you all up in their business? Especially when they're messing up? but, still you can't live long enough to make them all yourself! So, I suggest you read The Star, or the Enquirer, and learn from the PROs! Friends, you and me...You brought another friend. And then there were 3 ... We started our group ..... Our circle of friends . There is no beginning ... There is no end ... Okay?Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is mystery. Today is a gift. It's National Friendship Week. Show your friends how much you care .... Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND. If it comes back to you, then you'll know you have a circle of friends. WHEN YOU RECEIVE THIS LETTER, YOU'RE REQUESTED TO SEND IT TO all your friend, INCLUDING THE PERSON WHO SENT IT TO YOU..........., NOT! Leave me alone now, okay? I have a headache, no, I have to go to the store, oh, wait, I can't read English, and my translator went home for the evening. WHAT?

~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 6:25 PM (0) comments

< Thursday, January 20, 2005

Tonight, the "crew" is up, or rather over at "Plush". This is Ann and Geno's place. (there they all call him Gil, you know, 'Gil' is my daddy and my brother, and two of my nephew's name, so my son is nicknamed, GENO)!!! Anyway, they have this awesome cafe, and on thursday nights we, (that's Cherokee, Michelle, Charlene and I, and tonight our friend, Teri Flatt), go over there and "run the place", so that Ann (okay, and Geno), can get a break. That night there is an open mic, and there is usually a 'showing' of someone's art up on the walls, also!!! It's great. We have alot of fun there, well I do, 'cause I don't do anything but "meet and greet", you know, like I'm a hostess? One night, Cherokee coerced me into "taking and order", and I got totally parinoid, or should I say "postal"? Yeah, postal. It was just a friend, named Jasmin, so I don't know why I got so nervous!!!Right now, they are in the process of renovating the place, adding a "real", kitchen in the cafe! The way we usually do it is, they just have microwaveable entrees, and soups, along with various sandwiches, chips, snacks, and gum. Plush also has many different types of drinks. House specialities, coffees, smoothies, along with bottled water, sodas, Sobe, beer (many kinds of beer), and wine, no hard liquor, but, some Smirinoff Ice, is that considered, "Hard"? I don't know, I drink it sometimes, but I don't taste any hard stuff. Anyway, there are quite a few regulars, that come for the open Mic, mostly college aged patrons, they are poets and singers, musicians, and comedians, oh yeah, there is a "two drink" minimum, only on open Mic night though. That is nominal, tho', since there are so many choices, most of the customers drink more than two anyway! My favorite drink there, is a "Strawberry Steamer", it's HOT, thich like a milkshake, and so tasty and creamy. Ummmmm.. The coffee Ann and Geno serve there is delicious too. The whole atmosphere is great, and I'm not just saying that 'cause they are my son, and daughter-in-law, either! I just wish that all of you could be here partying, and having fun with us! p.s. For a peek at Plush, just click on the link on this page. To see how Geno designed it, (he IS a graphic designer, by the way), from the ground-up, click on Gildesign, and have a look around there. Enjoy! ~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 8:39 PM (0) comments

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Here are some of the benefits of drinking Green Tea. Reducing the risk of cancer. Catechin is said to be effective to reduce the growth of cancer.· Prevents food poisoning. Catechin, the bitter ingredients of green tea in green tea effectively kills bacteria which causes food poisoning and also kills the toxins produced by those bacteria.· Practicing good oral hygiene. Catechin suppresses the formation of plaque by cariogenic bacteria and also kills the bacteria themselves. It also kills other bacteria that cause bad breath. Green tea contains natural fluorine, which helps prevent cavities. · Controlling high blood pressure. Catechin suppresses production of angiotensin II which leads to high blood pressure.· Preventing the increase of cholesterol. Catechin prevents the excessive buildup of blood cholesterol.· Lowering blood sugar. Catechin and polysaccharides are effective in lowering blood sugar.· Slowing the aging process. Consuming agents that are effective antioxidants will slow the aging process. Green tea is rich in vitamin E, which works as antioxidant. Also, catechin in green tea is a very strong antioxidant.
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 3:28 AM (0) comments

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You know what? I get a small jump in my stomach when I think that this is 2005!!! You know? I was born in 1947, and to some, I know that sounds like yesterday. To others, that sounds like so long ago. Even though, in my own mind, 57, well nearly 58 years old, seems old also, and it doesn't seem like it's me. My father, and my mother both died before they were 50! I used to think that I would die young also. (Oh, and I did)!!! I would look into the mirror, when I was younger, (still it was after my Momma had died, and I had all three of my kids too), and I wouldn't see my face. I would see hers. I thought that meant that I would die soon, and in some ways, I was okay with it. Then, I'd look at my little babies, and I'd think, no one will love them like I do. I didn't trust their daddy to marry a woman who would treat them right, either! So, I stopped thinking about dying, even though besides having those three totally gorgeous kids, my married life was crap. With a capital C!! Anyway, back to the past. I was born two weeks after my daddy's birthday, and two weeks before my momma's birthday, and I was their first child, (her fourth, but his first). I thought that had some significance back then. I guess it didn't? My dad, (Gil Goodwin), was so great!, at least I thought so. I don't remember much of what he thought about world events. Being a Negro man, born in the early 1900s, he had probably seen alot of stuff that I wouldn't have been able to understand. Plus his father had been a minister, so that right there was a whole different story! He was a good daddy, in any case, and we had lots of fun with him, before he died at 41 years old, of pneumonia. My momma (Lugenia Strickland Goodwin), changed alot after he died, but she was still good to us kids. My momma was so pretty, very fair skin, with good features, and naturally dark red lips, without lipstick, and so much fun. Her family, on Big Daddy's side (the Stricklands), were nearly white, some of our relatives on that side just looked white to us, but they were something like mulattos. She taught us how to play jacks, and cards, and how to cook, she was good at everything, and she could sing beautifully, and whistle like a bird. She always had a man, (or a few men to tell the truth), that was "in love" with her, and she had been married once before she married my daddy. They had seven kids together, and they seemed to love each other alot. When he died, she lived 12 years more, for us, I think, but she was never alone, without a boyfriend. Yet, she was much more withdrawn by then, and she worried alot, about finances, after that. Yet, still nice, and loved us all, in her own way.
Both my momma's, and my daddy's families were big on church attendance. They had stopped going by the time they had us though, lots of stuff went on in both of their lives, that led them to stop going to church, but, we children were made to go to church when we were younger, on our own. I think that that was to keep our Grandmother, Harriette Adair (Granny), on our mother's side, and our Grandfather, (Pappa Goodwin), on our daddy's side, happy. Our Granny had been divorced from our real Grandfather, (Big Daddy, Clyde Strickland), he wasn't a church goer, but out step-Grandfather was. Our step-Grandfather was a nice man, but our momma made us call him MR. Adair, and not Grandpa, for a long time. Our Pappa had been married four times, and all his wives died before him, so we didn't know any of my daddy's step-mothers, or his real mother either. We just knew that my daddy's Grandfather (on his mother's side), had been a full blooded California born, Indian, (they called him a "Mission Indian"), named Boswell. I still don't know what that means, maybe that he was raised on a mission? None of his kids went to church, 'til they were older, and chose to do so on their own, and I heard that my daddy's real mother, (Lizzie), was mean, and evil tempered! Pappa told me, "she was a good woman, but she slept with a hammer under her pillow, every night". (My daddy never talked about his mother). Yet, my Pappa stood up to her, and his kids, all of them, by the other women, and by her, went to church. I liked Sunday School, and Vacation Bible School, this was at the church that both sides of the family went to, and everybody knew us. Granny played the organ, and our step-Grandpa, Mr. Adair, was a deacon, our Pappa, (Goodwin), sat on the church board, and had a chair, behind the regular Pastor's pulpit, so we were always good in church. I started reading the Bible, on my own, by the time I was about 10 years old, (just because I loved to read). While I was reading, I saw a definite change in GOD, from the Old Testament, to the New Testament, but when I mentioned it to anyone, they said, "you're too young to understand the Bible"..., and, "GOD is the same, yesterday, today, and forever"......., that was the bottom line, HE didn't change, I just didn't understand the words. So, I just kinda put HIM, and the Bible, on the shelf, until later, I thought that I would understand it more, and understand it better, when I was older. I didn't.
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 1:02 AM (0) comments

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FROM MY HANDS TO YOUR EYES ~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 1:02 AM (0) comments

< Tuesday, January 18, 2005

FROM MY HANDS TO YOUR EYES ~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 5:44 PM (0) comments

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Here I sit, I am just going through the motions. Yesterday, my grandson, Samuel broke his wrist, playing in his own backyard, and his daddy, Garth Sr., broke his toe! These sound like little things, but in reality, they're not. Pain was caused by these events, and that is never small or trite. Others' pain should be all of our pain. We should all cry with those who hurt, as well as rejoice with those who have joy and happiness in their lives. It is so hard to identify with others. It should be "our job", to make sure that everyone is as comfortable as possible, in their own sphere of environment. That's too idealistic, isn't it? Too simplistic of an idea, for each and every capable human to look towards making someone else's life easier, day by day? Is it too "biblical", to suit the taste of many that live here and now? I like to imagine, that sometime in the future, here on earth, (or must we really wait until we are in heaven)?, we see each other for what we could be, and not for what we are. We love each other, Yellow, Red, Black and White, (or the many variations caused by the co-mingling of those main racial groups), for what we could be. One, the human race, that's all. Brothers and Sisters, alike, and the same. Not alien, from one another, but truly "citizens of this world", these lands, together, loving, caring, nurturing, kindred. What a wonderful world this would be. "Dear GOD, CREATOR of all, SAVIOR of all, that merely accept YOU. Forgive us for our apathy. LORD GOD, HEALER of all that accept YOUR SACRIFICE, forgive us our need to hold on to our own inadequacies, and frequent foibles. Keep us in YOUR HANDS, LORD JESUS, and show us that we are each and everyone, BROTHERS AND SISTERS, to love, honor and comfort, one another, 'til YOU come back to gather us up, and take us HOME. Amen. Amen.
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 5:10 PM (0) comments

< Monday, January 17, 2005

FROM MY HANDS TO YOUR EYES ~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 3:05 AM (0) comments

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Did I miss yesterday? I don't remember! Today is sunday, and I was reading other people's blogs, (I told you, didn't I? I am nosy), anyways, I came upon this blog that a guy had written, and he was jazzed about a comment that some girl had posted on his blog. He said that she shouldn't have posted on his blog, because, 1. She wasn't a friend. 2. She shouldn't have been reading his blog, in the first place! Whoa! This is an open forum, isn't it? I see up in the right hand corner of my blog, "next blog". So, I click on that and it goes to some strangers blog. Some times I read it, sometimes I don't. It just depends on if I am looking for something specific. Like a really humorous site, or one with nice photos? You know, whatever catches my fancy. I jumped right off his blog, after reading that, I felt like he could see me, sticking my nose where it didn't belong! His blog. Whew, am I glad that he put that on his blog. I totally wouldn't have known that there was a "protocol" to blog viewing!!! 'Scuze me, sorry! (Smile). Now, I want to announce to anyone who just surfs past my (my own personal), blog. READ away. Friend or Foe. Foreign or Domestic. I don't care who, (whom)?, you are. I am not making anything up, (maybe later), I am not lying, (yet). So read at your leisure.
I have a totally uninteresting life, but I like to write. I can go on and on for virtually forever talking (writing), about almost nothing, and everything. I like to have an audience, too. Not in reality, but virtually. I love playing with words. I use www.dictionary.com nearly everyday, just to look up some word that comes up in my "in house" conversations. By "in house", I mean when I am talking to myself. My Momma used to say that she "talked to herself", when she wanted some intelligent conversation! Let me tell you, both she and my father were wordsmiths. It was a favorite past time of theirs to bandy words back and forth, that their children weren't sophisticated enough, at the time, to understand! It motivated me to start reading the dictionary at least by the time I was 10 years old. I never wanted to use slang or colloquialisms, but I had to learn to "go with the flow", of changing urban sociolinguistics, just to fit in. I decided by the time I was 13, that no-one in my small sphere of environment, wanted to befriend a "nerd", or as they called me at the time, "a schoolgirl". Oh, I learned to talk slang with the best of them. Still at home, it was my choice to cling to my idiosyncratic correctness of speech. I made it through most of my school days as an accepted member of the "ghetto crowd", all the while inwardly, and secretly cringing, at the absolute cacophony of their normal verbiage. I never told any of my friends, and so, they never knew, I was secretly a "language snob".
My kids and my nieces and nephews got "it" though. I constantly corrected them, not out of superiority, or to show them my knowledge, but to make it so that they were not called to task for their mistakes, at school, or in social settings. It can be embarrasing to have it said that you don't know, how to talk. I absolutely know that we don't speak "the King's English", we speak a bastardised version, totally American, in composition and syntax. Yet, I feel we should be able to talk "that", in the best possible way. Now, though, it isn't so important. Teacher's are advocating that children learn phonetically. Ahhh, what a world we live in. If you can't do it the way they used to do it, change it to make it easier. In a way, I agree that children have so much stress on their young lives, and that if we can make certain things easier, then by all means, do that. I just like to talk about the "old days". I wouldn't really want to go back there, with the knowledge of these present times, if I went back, I would want to go back just as naive, as I started out before.

~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 2:08 AM (0) comments

< Saturday, January 15, 2005

FROM MY HANDS TO YOUR EYES ~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 11:32 PM (0) comments

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Whoa, today our group went to see "Elecktra". All I am going to say is: WOW! Nothing revealed about the movie, but it was my sort of film! I know that real life is out here, but I don't have to like it, do I? If I were the only one, then the actors who make the movies they do, wouldn't get the BIG BUCKS they get. So, don't be sarcastic, or doubtful, as to the veracity I exibit towards what is totally my reaction, to this movie, okay? I could live in a movie theater.
Watching one made up existance after the other. Anything from A to Z. I like to laugh, I like to cry, I like to be afraid, very afraid, I like to be emotionally stimulated, by some events that I pray that I will never have to live throught myself. I like to be entertained, whether I'm paying for it, or someone else is. For that time, I am in the zone. When it was Star Wars, it was the best, when it was Star Trek, it was the best, when it was Harry Potter, it was the best, when it was Matrix, it was the best, when it was XXX, Vin was the best, oh, and Riddick too!
It's like a billionaire kid, in a Mall sized candy store. I don't have to chose, I can have it all. Some of us like, "only this type of entertainment", hey, if that's your thing, don't justify it to anyone. It's your choice, me, I'm just the type of person who wants to have it all! I once sat and read a book about the infrastructure of a city that was being planned, because I had never heard of anything like that before. After I read it, did I like it or understand why you have to map out everything just so? No, but I'm glad that I took the time to read the information. Well, now I don't remember it, but once I did. I don't want to have all the experiences that are available to be had. (But), if it is in a form that I think I would enjoy, bring it on. Movies, non-pornographic movies, and non snuff-movies, (hey, I've heard that those things do exist, so I am just clarifying), most of any others I am interested in seeing. Even movies that I don't know the language, but are sub-titled, or dubbed, I'll sit through. Gosh, I want to know of other cultures, I 'm not a purist. Only American movies, for us good ol' United States born people! Nah, I wanna see what they're doing "over there". I even wanta know, how they're growing rice, or making bread, or going to school, or falling in love. I wanta see if they're making peace with their enemies. Maybe we can learn something usefull ourselves. 'Cause even though Americans say stuff like, "America, for Americans", many of them that says it, mean "their own kind" of Americans. They may not even be "Native American", either. So, that is the type of stuff I would rather not be involved with, even though I am born here, and have a terrible mixed-up genetic background, myself. I like to be "in the dark", eating popcorn, watching something that came out of the minds of some of the most creative beings on this earth! As far back as I can remember, was to a theater in our home town, and my momma had just given birth to a new little brother for us kids. By the way, I was one of three girls, in a family of 10 kids. So, this one night my daddy was giving my momma a rest, and took us older kids to see, "The Giant Behemoth". He paid like 10 cents apiece for all of us, and 15 cents for himself. Then he got us each a bag of popcorn! Oh, good times, good times. Except, that I spent the next 85 or so minutes hiding behind the seat in front of me, screaming my scared head off, as the other people in the show kept screaming "shut that damn kid up, we can't hear the movie"!!! Yeah, they may have wished he hadn't introduced me to those thrills and chills, but it was the start of a brand new life for me! I didn't really see the movie, until many years later, when it was played on television, and I was a lot older and could hold my terror. Oh, man, I thought that was the best thing ever. Big huge screen, loud noises, action.
I loved them all. Horror, Suspense, Cowboys and Indians, Love Stories, Documentaries. Whatever, bring 'em on!!! Now, fifty years later, I've still not see my fill of movies. When the actors die, as years go by, I say, "Thank you, for the memories". I want to turn to someone, and say, "remember them in that movie"? Alot of times though, whoever I'm with happens to be too young to remember what I'm talking about. So, I'll just go back into my own memory. Yeah, I love the movies. And this last one, "Elektra"? That was like the 1,000,000,000th, cherry on top of the "banana split", that I started enjoying, oh so long ago. Movies, yummy!!!
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 10:36 PM (0) comments

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Here I am, sitting here reading other people's posts, I am an inveterate looky-loo, of the written page. Cereal boxes, wrappers of stuff, (anything really), books, magazines, papers (especially the pulp fiction types), Star, Enquirer, Globe. I draw the line after those. Since they came on the same subscription, that is, I used to turn my nose up at the Globe, but it is just a re-girgitation of the other two. Now, it is the blogs, ("what did you do to me, LaShane")? I had no idea this stuff existed!!! THIS IS REAL LIFE!!! These are people that are writing their own articles for the world, or at least those of us that have computers, and want to read their crap. Right up in the right hand corner of this site, I saw the words, "next blog", for days, I was thinking, "next blog"? What would happen if I clicked on it? Would I get lost in a sea of "where am I"? Could I find my way back to my own territory? I'm very reluctant to try new things on this machine. It is so fascinating, yet at times, intimidating, to me. I didn't grow up in the "information age", in fact I was peaking in the "age of color television"! I have been blind, and now (again), I see (yeah, literally). "Look what they are doing now, Mamma"!!! She wouldn't believe it! Yet, just like me, there are hundreds, nay, thousands of people writing empty posts on this thrilling site! It's like, "let's get together, yay, yay, yah". Let's talk about what it is like behind my eyes, (uhhhhh scary thought). What's it like behind your eyes? Not in front of them, we all see it, yet it is different to everybody! Why do you see what you do? Why do I see what I do? Well, that is a new concept! I'm totally "whacked", what about you? We all think, "damn, we're sane, but that person is _u_ked up" Naw, you're just as _u_ked up too, maybe it's just that behind your eyes you automatically justify the way you think, and the things you do, to make you seem "normal" although, I certainly don't know what that bandied about term means. Normal? It's an alien concept, probably made up in the mind of some person who thought they had the right to tell other people what to do, or how to think. Yet their own life was totally dysfunctional in all parts. That's what I think! So there. What was I talking about? Oh, yeah. Another waste of alot of electricity! Yet, we pay for this stuff, right? Or in the case of alot of the bloggers on this site, their parents do! I cringe when I see, "I don't work, but I am so bored", "I want to get away from my _u_king parents, but I'm not out of junior high school yet, so I have to be here awhile still", "My job is killing me, yeah, I go out every week-end and drink myself stupid, and act a total fool, but, do I have to work too"? WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE? LOL. I gotta admit, I did the same things before 30, before I had to finally settle down, and start putting the "children" first. I don't know where the years went, I mean, I know where they went, (in the past), but while they were so important then, now, it's like, "damn, I could have done that, with no consequences, yet I didn't". So, you may ask, "what's the difference, wasted days, or wasted electricity, (which equates to wasted time)"? Nothing. Carry on.
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 3:40 PM (0) comments

< Thursday, January 13, 2005

Today, thursday, January 13th, 2005, I went back to see my doctor. Bahaa Girgis, a very handsome Egyptian man. He took well my decision to stop taking all the perscription medications he had deemed necessary for me previously, but turns around and gives me another perscription! I have medical problems, sure, but I refuse to be medicated out of my mind! I do that (go out of my mind), quite nicely on my own, without drugs. (smile).
I hadn't seen him since September, 2004. At that time he had added three medications to my arsenal, but they weren't fighting the problems I was having, they were adding to them. Finally, (duh)! In November of the same year, I said, "Fuggidaboudit". I decided right then, I am not taking all of this "poison" anymore! I kept the insulin, 'cause I normally have high blood sugar readings. Why, I don't know. I don't overeat carbohydrates, and I never, (or rarely), use sugar in anything. Okay? and I have given up bread too! Cherokee ( my youngest daughter), and I made that our New Year's resolution, what about that? I can't go veggie only, I tried that once, and almost gagged when, after an entire year of veggies only, my daughter made me a wonderful salad, that should have made me do handstands. I had cried, "meat, give me some meat, please"!!!
All of this, the diabetes, the cataracts, the sight loss, the osteoporosis, the neuropathy, the aches, the pains, the headaches, the watching what I eat, the testing my blood sugars three times a day, with kidney stones (11 in all), on top of all of the other stuff, all of it, is a pain in the butt!!! What is pain, anyway, but a walk in reality?
This year, I am going to take my health into my own hands. "Didn't that kinda get you into the condition you are in now"? You might ask. Well, no. It was the lack of focus on my health, that got me into the shape that I am in now. Growing up, I NEVER voluntarily went to a doctor! Whatever went wrong, I took care of it myself. Then again, I always bought the cheapest foods, heavy on the potatoes, the macaroni, the rice. Loads of cookies, cakes, pies, breads. Summer was sandwiches and chips time. Spaghetti was a staple. Tacos, burritos, and I'm talking "home made", that doesn't begin to cover take-out! Wow, the gallons of Kool-Aid! I fought for having milk in the house. Milk does a body good? Yeah, right, if you're a baby calf! All it does to the rest of us is add on the pounds! Why only use the butter the recipe calls for, a bit more doesn't hurt, does it?, and more makes things "more tasty", right?
I didn't know what I was doing, to myself, or to my husband and our three kids. I thought that this was being a good cook, just like my Mamma was. I thank GOD that I was the only one, (so far), of the five of us diagnosed with diabetes! When my well fed family said, "Oh boy, Mom's fried chicken"! I was so happy. Cornbread that tasted like cake? My speciality. Oh, I didn't leave out vegetables, corn on the cob, dripping with butter! Then I'd dice the other veggies up and add them in other dishes. String beans (and cheese) hidden in the middle of the meat loaf, ummmm, yummy. Whole kernel corn always went with pasta! Sweet carrots with roast and mashed potatoes, load on the gravy, of course. Of my eight living siblings, only two of us are struggling with the diabetic gene passed on down to us, from the ancestors. How that happened, is a mystery to this day! Not that I'd wish anything bad on them though.
Don't even get me started! Where was Adkins back then? Where was Carb simple? No, I can't blame those systems, I can only blame myself. So, now, I have to live with the bad choices I made all those years ago. I'm back to salads, steamed veggies, 1/3 of a cup of pasta, or rice, or grits. Lots less salt, butter, ( or margarine), more sugar-free anything! We're all dying one day at a time. Isn't that right?
Some of us just speed things up with a knife, fork, and spoon!
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 4:37 PM (0) comments

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Duck and the devil. A little boy was visiting his grandparents on their farm. He was given aslingshot to play with out in the woods. He practiced in the woods, but hecould never hit the target. Getting a little discouraged, he headed back fordinner. As he was walking back he saw Grandma's pet duck. Just out ofimpulse, he let the slingshot fly, hit the duck square in the head, andkilled it. He was shocked and grieved. In a panic, he hid the dead duck inthe wood pile, only to see his sister watching! Sally had seen it all, butshe said nothing. After lunch the next day Grandma said, "Sally, let's washthe dishes." But Sally said, "Grandma, Johnny told me he wanted to help inthe kitchen." Then she whispered to him, "Remember the duck?" So Johnny didthe dishes. Later that day, Grandpa asked if the children wanted to gofishing and Grandma said, "I'm sorry but I need Sally to help make supper."Sally just smiled and said," Well that's all right because Johnny told me hewanted to help." She whispered again, "Remember the duck?" So Sally wentfishing and Johnny stayed to help. After several days of Johnny doing bothhis chores and Sally's.....he finally couldn't stand it any longer. He cameto Grandma and confessed that he had killed the duck. Grandma knelt down,gave him a hug, and said, Sweetheart, I know. You see, I was standing at thewindow and I saw the whole thing. But because I love you, I forgave you. Iwas just wondering how long you would let Sally make a slave of you."Thought for the day and every day thereafter... Whatever is in your past,whatever you have done...and the devil keeps throwing it up in your face(lying, debt, fear, hatred, anger, unforgiveness, bitterness, etc.) whateverit is, you need to know that God was standing at the window and He saw thewhole thing..... He has seen your whole life. He wants you to know that Heloves you and that you are forgiven. He's just wondering how long you willlet the devil make a slave of you. The great thing about God is that whenyou ask for forgiveness, He not only forgives you, but He forgets.....It isby God's Grace and Mercy that we are saved. Go ahead and make the differencein someone's life today. Share this with a friend and always remember God isat the window!
~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 3:07 PM (0) comments

< Tuesday, January 11, 2005

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< Sunday, January 02, 2005

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Me and My Three Children!! LaShane, Cherokee, Geno (and Mom).
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~~~~~~~~~~Pamela~~~~~~~~~~~sat down to play at 4:17 PM (2) comments